and i will name him rock and roll+

you are not your mistake

2006-07-24T21:32:00.000+08:00

two years of tearsforfears calls for a change.

http://playingforpride.livejournal.com

MakeDamnSure

2006-07-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

10 things i absolutely abhor on monday mornings:

1. my ikea alarm clock
2. seeing the !%)@$^*! girl's face
3. PERIODS!!!! (arrrrgh!)
4. history pop quizzes
5. ohhh, any kind of quizzes for that matter
6. having no milk left in the carton :(
7. getting my shoes and socks wet in the rain :((
8. ~~t_n j_k sua_~~ (this should be number1)
9. tone deaf people who stand next to me in line during assembly
10. having to prepare my own breakfast (what would i do without mommy?)

weekend warriors

2006-07-22T16:50:00.000+08:00

NIGEL LEE ZHEN YANG!
you played like a rockstar. (eventhoyou'reskinny)
:D :D

spent 20 bucks JUST to see nigel/kenneth (and the rest of 4th ave of course) for 15 short minutes, AVA's 4 songs and a little bit of Calerway. it was well worth it, i guess. so glad nigel's back in town.

-im keeping all our saturdays.
you can take my mondays to fridays.

2006-07-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

i love you, superman.
thanks for today. :)

but ive got my pride;
and i'll let you sleep tonight

paranoidandroid

2006-06-03T04:31:00.000+08:00

"Once said, always said. I will hold the past over your head;
Take heart, sweetheart. Or i will take it from you."

2006-05-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

grandpa, pls pls get well soon

maybe i'd have hope if you tell me you're happy where you are

2006-05-13T03:57:00.000+08:00

its 4 and ive finally finished reading john young and kent (my favourite history scholars). i still cant get to sleep tho. i really dont know how im going to wake for training and drums tmr. but its been a long/horrid day today and jem promises that tmr will be a better one. soooo, its time to tuck in.

now, if i could only make this more obvious to you
whatever it is, i know i'll never be brave enough to say

liar (DOESNT take one to know one)

2006-05-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

today i needed some serious cheering-up. so after a whole afternoon of sulking around at home, i decided to change out of my pjs and drag my lazy ass down to meet the girls- perry, roseann, lalee and david (daisy) for a bit of shopping and dinner. couldnt do without them, i swear. so now im home, in a foul mood again with my whole stack of history readings screaming at me to read em.

death before dishonour, he told me.
he lies, she said.

she drove me to daytime tv

2006-05-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

timberflux flea market gave me 4 tops, a pair of shorts and a clutch all for less than 50bucks.
retail therapy ALWAYS works. today's eugene's birthday and we're supposed to go to phunk but i dont feel up to it and school work kills my social life you see. (not that i had one to begin with, but OH WELL)

have a good one guys, its the weekend.

unopened letter to the world

2006-05-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

i wish i slept thru today and never woke up this morning
its been a horrible Horrible HORRIBLE HoRriBle day and it couldnt get any worse
so im going to tuck myself in, pull the covers over my head and wish with all my heart that the monster in my closet will eat me up tonight.

wish with me.

I loved the way she said LA

2006-05-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

Saints and Sailors

2006-04-29T23:15:00.000+08:00

today, i managed to survive angelina's wedding, come home for a power nap, rush off to meet daryl, do a bit of shopping, go for the gig at youth park and make friends with two malay lovers. apart from that, i finally caught up with nat, daryl, eugene and nicole. (hahaha boat quay next friday!) tmr's ben's birthday thing and stayover at sonn's. its gonna be an awesome weekend, honey.

i say this prayer for you tonight
cos nothing's impossible

skeptics and non believers of love

2006-04-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

So screen all the phone calls
and put the chain on the front door
and if you see her,
tell her i dont live here anymore

2006-04-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

chin up girls, we played our hearts out.
next match against ij, we're gonna walk off the pitch with our heads held high.

Archers in your arches,
raise your fingers for one last salute.

7days

2006-04-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

i am loved (or so She says)

the receiving end of sirens

2006-04-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

and you'll be the first to die on my behalf

my wish is that you'd be loved greatly

2006-04-02T16:25:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA!
my sexy girlfriend.

...the day death died

2006-04-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

hospitals make me sick. they're my least favourite place and over my dead body will i ever ever ever be a nurse when i grow up.

so you need her just to get by.

the tumbling down of love

2006-03-23T16:11:00.000+08:00

goodbye, you know you deserve someone better.
this is the first time in a longlong time that im truly happy
yes, im happy, baby.

may your smile, shine on.

if the silence takes you, then i hope it takes me too.

2006-03-06T21:12:00.000+08:00

im all burnt from tennis! :(

orientation02 started today with a new mass dance (!), new faces and a million other SJI boys swarming the canteen. i didnt really feel up to socialising and striking up conversations with people so jaz and i kept disappearing. and that resulted in some guy in my IG saying, "claire's like a queen, very DAO" (!!!) ok, im going to try harder tmr, promise! :D

HOHOHO. tennis PROS ehhhhh.

Hello Heartache

2006-03-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

tommorow's swimming and tennis with the girls
cant wait! :D

your indecisiveness is eating me aliiiiiiiive.
but you're too cute for the other girls.

sleeping to dream about you

2006-02-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

hellohello! :D:D
today i realised that im actually very scared of growing up. i dont want to give up all those moments where we'd just have fun without caring about responsiblity or what'll people think of us or ANYTHING. Jesus, please let me be 16 forever. :)

and and and! i caught the clock at 11.11pm two nights running. (luck's on my side this week) so, i wished that nat'll come back soon.

lets have a picture!

we're walking too far for the price of our shoes

2006-02-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

im such an emotional wreck, i cant stand myself sometimes.

let me please breakdown

2006-02-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

i really dont know what to say to you anymore.
"how's your life? whats it like there?"

happy valentine's day anyway. today was awfully fun. :D

and i miss you guys.

but ive got my pride

2006-02-12T15:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday, after "i not stupid too" and much needed retail therapy with rosie and lalee ($85 in half an hour), i had a 4 hour long wedding dinner in silence (!!!). friday's release of my O level results has made me realise that i can never be happy with what i have. and im too damn competitive for my own good. that night was spent at charlotte's house with good company, a few drinks and trashing both her and charlton at silly video games.

i think i need therapy. (jaz!)

she knows its too late

2006-02-10T00:14:00.000+08:00

somehow i feel that im headed for destruction.

promise we'll stay like that forever.

2006-02-08T21:33:00.000+08:00

lets have some pictures.

Even the best laid plans...

2006-01-31T22:33:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Nat
Goodbye DS

it hurts the most when i turn around to see you walking away.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2006-01-31T04:28:00.000+08:00

ive finished my history assignment! hurray :D one more GP assignment to go.

so far, cny has been great! (but a little tiring) and with the amount of new year goodies ive been wolfing down, id better start planning my exercise schedule and i think i should run extra rounds for thursday's morning run. as for acting nice and polite to relatives i only see once a year, i think im doing a pretty good job.

ds and nat are leaving later tonight. :(

heaven pity you

2006-01-28T15:12:00.000+08:00

Dearest sister,
i think its time you start growing up. you're 18 this year and i dont think its fitting for you to still go crying into mommy's skirts when i use profanities or when i "hurt" you by being rude.

God gave you style and God gave you grace

2006-01-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

believe it or not, i went for a run in school at 6.45 this morning. i think i was hypnotised or something. :/

anw, i think the highlight of this week was today, 4pm. thank you charlotte, for making wait for you after school. :D :D

and with something else other than breaks to look forward to, school had suddenly becoming more thrilling!

-

2006-01-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

jazryl francesca sim hui chin.

I AM HAPPY!
:D

hole in my soul

2006-01-23T20:29:00.000+08:00

this is for you.
you who's too proud to care, to oblivious to notice and too careless to remember.

i keep your picture in my wallet as a constant reminder of the friendship we shared. it reminds me that we all have to say goodbye one day, no matter how hard we try to hold on to something. sometimes the harder we try to hold on, the faster it slips out of our fingers- like sand. i cant find the words. i lost them they day you stopped caring.

now now, tears are a sign of weakness.
chin up, chin up and smile.

--

2006-01-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

shake up your tired eyes, the world is waiting for you

Hellogoodbye

2006-01-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

it sucks when you're not close to your best friend anymore cos shes all grown up. it sucks when you think she more into her work friends than anyone else. and it sucks when you realise your other best friend wasnt really your best friend at all. when we were young, i remember asking you if we'd stay best friends forever. you said yes and i believed you. but now it seems you dont even remember that i exist. damn, i sound so bloody emo.

cause nothing lasts forever
and we both know hearts can change

dont go.

2006-01-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

damn, australia's taking away another one of my friends.
31st jan, please take your time.

you should have noticed

2006-01-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

The truth is you could slit my throat;
And with my one last dying breath,
I'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt

will you even stay to watch me die?

2006-01-03T18:59:00.000+08:00

i say this honestly and without any regret: the first day of school was fanfuckingtastic-ly awesome. :D

i was so silly.

keep your head up, you're gonna live forever

2006-01-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

SO! school starts tmr. ive psycho-ed myself into believing that school will be so much fun. i mean, i will be meeting new people, three days of orientation. we'll play games like: pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. HOW FUN! I CANT WAIT. ive become really antisocial now. but i think i can live thru jc being a loner.

i dont want to go to school. but wait, we cant always do what we want. i have to go. see how grown up i sound. i never used to give a shit about rules or obligations. damn, im getting scared. is this what a new year does to you?

WISH ME LUCK.

claire the fat loves nat the mad

2005-12-31T01:33:00.000+08:00

i promise we'll stay like that forever

2005-12-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

i missed caracal at mosh06 :( but the rest of the bands were pretty good. christmas and roseann's birthday celebration (and my belated surprise) at goodwood was AWESOME. thanks guys for the presents :) and the wonderful time. check roseann's blog for pictures. school is starting in 2 days. and yes, im scared. only jaz, ds, alicia and lalee are gonna be in cj.

2005 was the craziest, yet most fun year ever. i made mistakes that can never be corrected, lost a few of my best friends. but since today is already new years' eve, ive decided to make some changes. im not gonna look back cos whats done is done. i know 2006 is gonna be a rough year, but im ready for it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

2005-12-28T03:42:00.000+08:00

andy and his obession
i miss you, jeannine. gawd, i feel so lesbian right now. we're on a high, nothing more to it

yule shot your eye out

2005-12-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

christmas eve was spent at peter's house. thank you, peter. no one got wasted, ok maybe except, ryan. thank gawd! (sorry we lost your present, ben.) we couldnt wake up for early morning mass, so we went for 11 instead. two family gatherings tonight and pantat's house. im dead tired.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

christmas isnt christmas
till it happens in your heart
somewhere deep inside you,
is where christmas really starts
so give your heart to jesus
you'll discover when you do
that christmas will be christmas for you.

2005-12-21T11:54:00.000+08:00

im at the airport now. flight's at 12.25. (daddy managed to get a later flight for me!) and nigel's on the plane on the way to aussie. i miss him already.

BE STRONG AND TAKE COURAGE.

2005-12-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

thank you Jesus.

i still dont want to go to bangkok.

2005-12-20T04:31:00.000+08:00

plush, by stone temple pilots. my favourite song to fall asleep too. but my trusty creative is with nicole and peter is asleep. and i reckon, even if i listened to that song, i wouldnt be able to fall asleep. just got back from nigel's surprise party. i am obliged to say it went well. ok, fuck la. it did go well. the surprise was successful. but when i got home, i found out that im going to bangfuckingkok on WEDNESDAY at 8A.M. thats 2 hours before nigel's flight. gawd, how am i gonna send him off. daddy wants to surprise mom with this trip. but couldnt he have at least asked us when we should go. GAWDAMNIT!@()_+^^%$

i need a miracle.

2005-12-16T14:24:00.000+08:00

put jem and pete together and this is what you get.

more pictures up soon!

2005-12-14T01:27:00.000+08:00

thou fool! this night will require thy soul of thee!

2005-12-13T11:23:00.000+08:00

NAT IS BACK! hurrayyy :)

past few days have been spent with the boys- ben, peter, jem, nigel, andy, ken and josh and the girls- hetty, nic, rese, tessa and donn. i havent had so much fun in a long long time. hey ho, let's go!

christmas is next week! which means we're alr halfway into the month of december. it doesnt feel like it though. im having so much fun, time is passing so quickly. christmas shopping here i come!

i miss my best friends. :(

2005-12-13T11:05:00.000+08:00

Acoustic Under the Stars Gig

14th december 2005
7pm till late
10 thomson walk
caracal
crossbred
4th avenue
hetty and tessa
ronald and martin

call nigel 96252278 for more details

BE THERE!

!#!@$^&@@&*

2005-12-04T02:11:00.000+08:00

ive forgiven you but i dont know what to say to you anymore.

The Curse

2005-11-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

FATE.

im not the same emo kid i used to be. i think ive learnt how to conceal my feelings pretty well now. and ive finally learnt when and how to say goodbye. ive realised that everything has an expiry date. even friendships you wished and promised will never fade. sometimes i wonder why i care so much, knowing you hardly spare a thought for my feelings, seeing that you treat me like dirt under your shoe. i care alot and will continue to. but for now, im tired of trying so hard. seeing that other people are "cooler" than me, seeing that they can make you happy, i dont understand why i should stick around anymore. i dont want to be like a loser boyfriend holding your shopping while you try on clothes. thank you, so so much for these years. you've really been an angel. (and i mean this) but things have changed. so, goodbye.

sharpen your fake smiles and porcelain faces

save me from me

2005-11-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

mommy has resorted to bribery!
she said that if i dont tidy my room, i wont get allowance for the hols. :(
i will do it soon, i promise!

on a lighter note, i finally watched potter! and gawd, that cedric is Hawwwwwwt.

A Twist of Fate with the family tmr, wednesday is shopping with the sister and friday is sushi date with Miss Amanda Lim followed by block catching with the rest. I CANT WAIT. (anybody like to take me to disneyland on thurday?)

you got me spinnnnnnning

2005-11-28T01:35:00.000+08:00

days after the 22nd have been SWEET.
ive been having too much fun, i dont get enough sleep some nights. but i think i could live like this for a few more months or so.
so, prom's over. it'll be the last night i'd officially see all the IJians. friends, i'll definitely miss them. 4 years with these people, i guess its hard to leave behind all the friendships. but im actually glad im out of secondary school, and MAYBE, just maybe i'd miss life in IJ. well, it hasnt sunk it yet, that ive graduated. prom night was great. some screw ups here and there but overall, it was a good ending to 4 years in IJ. i spent it with people whom i could never get bored of. thanks you guys.

went for the third place gig with amanda on friday and we reached there super late cos
we amanda was hung over from prom. hahha. the bands were good.

AND CAN YOU BELIEVE I STILL HAVENT WATCHED POTTER YET?! i'd probably be watching it with val tmr.

smile like you meant it.

i am for you

2005-10-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

times are tough, but life is beautiful.
byebye world.
i'll see you on the 22nd of november.
dont ask about my prelim results, thank you.

i had the notion you were coming back.

2005-09-30T17:31:00.000+08:00

jeannine keeps me sane

make sure the gun you point to my head is loaded

2005-09-28T21:29:00.000+08:00

you see, ive always been a fighter but i dont think i can go on anymore. take a look at my face and tell me you dont see the word failure written all over. someone shoot me. no no, i think i should stab myself. im sorry ive let you down yet again, im sorry i brought so much misery.

please do this now i beg
duct tape my arms and legs
throw me into the sea
please save me, please save me
now watch the waves eat me
setting my cold heart free
i'll wash ashore in weeks
you cant save me now

give me one more chance, jesus.

title and registration

2005-09-24T14:04:00.000+08:00

i dont know why but i dont feel up to facing the world today.

Miracles

2005-09-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

you're beautiful, its true
goodnight love, i dont deserve you.

black heart

2005-09-14T13:07:00.000+08:00

watch out, boy.
if you dont change, you're gonna die a bachelor
and no one will realise you're dead till three months later when the smell of your rotting flesh intoxicates the whole town.

block catching. RESE ARE YOU READY?

2005-09-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

only three rounds and we, the girls were already out of breath, ready to fall on the floor and faint (or pretend to, at least). i hate being the catcher but rese teaches me something new everytime, so nehhhhhhmind.
1. pandan bread works miracles. gives you enough energy to run as fast as the boys. (ALMOST)
2. hide behind pillars BUT make sure no one can see your shadow.
there you go, two step guide to not getting caught.

tried to study literature at perry's yesterday. but with amanda around, you cant help but eat and eat and eat and yet dont feel the least bit guilty. candy, cheesecake, mushroom soup, instant noodles and SUBWAY! yay!

sleep tight, lovely

2005-09-05T03:16:00.000+08:00

this is incredible.
i think im almost reaching my goal of becoming a neeeeeerd.
math at 3 am in the morning is GOOD for you.
try it.

the sound of setting

2005-09-03T05:28:00.000+08:00

nicole,DEBBIE :), prema,fel,claire

this picture always makes me smile

k-k-kkkkoffeeeee

2005-08-27T03:11:00.000+08:00

i'm sick of always talking when there's no change
rhetoric can't raise the dead
i'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

straight faced lie

2005-08-20T02:09:00.000+08:00

so the week has passed much faster than i hoped.
study study study.
the only thing i can remember about the past week is watching the fireworks with andy, kenneth and rese. english orals. the big macdonald's feast.
sleepless nights and sleeping in school.
prelims next week and O's soon.
i will tidy my room and i will study. i will.
i love you girlfriend.

keep your head up, we're gonna live forever.

GIRLFRIEND!

2005-08-16T18:08:00.000+08:00

Hello baby.
I've hacked into your blog to leave you a little noteto tell you to update your blog! Love you heaps and missing you from down under.

All my love,
Nat girlfriend.

XOXO

black hearts and second chances

2005-08-13T02:25:00.000+08:00

life to me now, has become much like an old faded photograph- turned up at the ends, yellowed at the edges. its not as pretty as i used to see it. people are just fakes put in to make it all look happy. the bright lights mask the blackness and the sorrow. but only the photographer knows how sad it really is. the sun rising from the horizon promises new hope for those who believe. but even that is hidden behind the towering, menacing sky scrapers.

second place victory

2005-08-09T22:00:00.000+08:00

i care too much, is it worth it?
no its not worth it.

its okay best friend.
im used to being alone

bite to break skin

2005-08-06T20:04:00.000+08:00

each breath is getting slower
this war is getting harder
to fight by myself
sick waves of bitter fashion,
ripped down the shield that i have
tears rain from above.
do you see the life i lead?
so, follow me into the sun
and i will bleed the poisons dry

and all the smiles you gave to me...

2005-07-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

last night's walk/talk with dhini showed me how much i take my friends for granted. just because they're only a call away, i expect them to be there all the time. now that nat has moved away to somerset, there's only dhini and i left to visit pierce reservoir and watch the fishermen (haha).

ive realised how little i show friends that i care. and after seeing an old friend after such a long time, i feel selfish for not putting aside time for our ice cream/prata nights.

thank you for today, i promise i'll try harder brad.

in between insanity and hope's edge.

2005-07-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

please someone help me
im dying here.
im not up for school tmr.
really.

holding hands and watching you smile

2005-07-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

alycia and i found new ways to get past one and a half hours of chemistry without killing ourselves out of bordom.
1. learn how to make stars out of rubberbands
2. write progress reports (we made it till 1000)
3. think of names to call our future babies (waldo, algernon...)
4. practise chinese oral by translating the chemistry text to mandarin.

HAHA enough excitement for one day no?
i have a feeling this week's gonna be a mad rush for time, plus all the unfinished work, there's gonna be no time for sleeping in. :(

by the way, your hands were shaking.

2005-06-25T04:59:00.000+08:00

i feel like an oil tank. but the only difference is that im always running on empty and i cant get a refill. even the simplest tasks like getting out of bed and making lunch is so dreadful. i'd rather draw the curtains close and sleep the whole afternoon away. everything is black or white or grey. somebody give me hope again cos this heart's been empty for too long.

she smiles. she looks happy. but is she happy?
i only smile for you.

2005-06-25T01:56:00.000+08:00

since nothing can make me happy nowadays, i think i shall just drown myself with icecream.

2005-06-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

i think i shall occupy my term break with 1.studying 2.studying 3.and maaaaaybe i'll squeeze some time out of my tight schedule to go for a few gigs. street fest is coming up and how can anyone forget that! short sharp shock gig at substation this afternoon was thrillingbloodyawesomeexcellent all put together. i never moshed so hard in my life. kenneth came out of the moshpit with a throbbing head, nigel with a broken shoe, me with a bruised knee. and its a bloody miracle that nat came out unscathed. anyway, in conclusion, today was wicked fun and tmr marks the beginning of three weeks of hardcore studying. so see you soon i hope.

2005-05-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL!

this weekend has been completely exciting. we celebrated val's birthday yesterday. first we walked around town trying to make her veryvery bored haha quite successful i must say. then over to ronald's where everyone else was, to have a barbeque. i think we managed to surprise val quite well. :) blockcatching after that was funny. ronald, rese and i were the catchers and jill and jeannine were the cheaters. haha. but i caught martin and marcus! aint you proud of me rese? so after such a wicked fun weekend, i guess i'd better start getting my life back on track and aceept that i cant run away from chinese forever.

it was nice talking to an old friend yesterday, its been way too long. and suddenly i think i want you back in my life again.

2005-05-10T20:23:00.000+08:00

today was spent with thebestfriends.
i bought the bright green adidas sweater for $89.90
told you i was an impulsive shopper.
but im happy :)

2005-05-09T22:31:00.000+08:00

hello,we meet again.

midterms are over!! and i feel as though de big o's are over. too much enjoyment is not good for my results, so ive heard. crystal jade on friday with ds, jessie, roseann and perry. we ate so much, we could hardly walk after that! hahah. then to cold storage to walk around for a bit cos who can resist staring at all the big boxes of cereal and rows and rows of candy. even the nice display of fruits got interesting. i accomplished so much on friday, i think all of you should be proud of me. i got my sister's birthday present :( she found out, but nevermind!, mother's day present and chocolates! stayed over at jeannine's on sunday then met perry ds and rosie to blade and cycle at bishan park. we should do this every week guys! i feel so fit now! pictures will be up soon. go take a walk in the park or beat that, sit down with a bowl of cereal and watch videos! :D

thanks perry, roseann, ds, jessie, jeannine and val.

2005-05-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

doesnt the stupid school see that exams will never be an assesment of how well we know our work? for the smart ones, it'll just be a breeze, and for the less academically inclined ones (the stupid ones) like me, it'll be another cause for stress and sleepless nights. how can they expect us to think fast and write even faster at the same time. and we have two papers each day. both in the early morning. i cant function in the morning, how the hell am i supposed to wreck my sleeping brain for answers to dumb chemistry questions ive never seen in my life. two papers a day means not enough time the day before to study for BOTH papers. and just the thought of sitting down for 4 hours writing non-stop makes me tired enough. why cant we do away with exams and just study more interesting things. like the nutrition content on my cereal box.

2005-04-30T19:16:00.000+08:00

isnt it obvious that i want to say more? anything too daring to say to you, will be said in this letter and burnt away, so you never realise im here.

2005-04-28T15:13:00.000+08:00

your bitter goodbye
is ringing through this quiet night
this idle hour just wont pass
i never missed you this much
never thought i would
didnt think you'd feel
so far away

2005-04-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

i think God is quite unfair sometimes. or maybe i just dont understand. why does he let us meet such awesome people, whom we can have so much fun with, talk about EVERYTHING and then take these people away. everyone is leaving. nat has gone again. and it gets harder everytime. she comes back, we have so much fun and she's gone again. no point so carefully building up relationships only to let them fall apart everytime that person is gone. then why did he even let us meet in the first place. it just goes to show that nothing in this life lasts forever right. chinese prelims, orals are over. a little less stressed. but i have to seriously get down to some work. my mind always seems to drift, think about everything but work. i think i need to do something SOON. my life is more messed up than this post.

2005-04-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

Gf, i am done. Hope you like it okay. Didn't take up much time though. I wouldn't mind sacrificing my time just for you. I love you & wouldn't trade the world for you. :)
-nat

2005-04-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

uncle john is sick with colon cancer and he may not live thru tonight. just got back from visiting him and it was the most morbid experience ever. he was lying in bed,so skinny you can count every single one of his bones,his eyes staring blankly into nothingness,mouth moving, but no sound coming out. it sucks knowing that it may be the last time im gonna be seeing him. who's gonna be santa during christmas? who are all the kids gonna run to for candy? i know we're all supposed to be happy that he's gonna be going to a happier and better place but how can one be happy when you're not gonna see someone you love so much anymore. its hard. i think uncle john is ready to go, the only reason why he is holding back is because of grandaunt. we've been praying the divine mercy the whole day, and asking mary to hold his hand and take him to meet jesus. and he smiles when we pray. thats awesome aint it.

life is so fragile. one minute you remember that person laughing with you, the next, you see him lying in bed, so frail you cant imagine him giving you a smile. and why? one may ask. is God punishing us for taking that person for granted, or is he relieving that person of his sufferings? maybe both. but i dont want anyone i love to leave like that. it maybe being too selfish. but i dont see anything wrong with not wanting your loved ones to die just so you can spend more time with them.

you never hear people say "i wish i'd spent more time at work"
you always hear them say "i wish i'd spent more time with my family"

2005-04-10T17:41:00.000+08:00

Broken hearts
Swept to hands that tied me
It's a pointless game
What better, let's play suicide

2005-04-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

new pictures.
www.imagestation.com/members/clairee_

2005-04-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

im sorry if im the cause of all your unhappiness. its only cos i hate school that much.

this is what i fought for

2005-04-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

the first night in 357375404 nights i can sleep earlier than 12.30 and here i am wasting my time online. so claire-ver yah! (as gillian would say) ive finished studying for the bloody chinese test tmr and boy, am i GLAD that its the last one. now, jeannine and i can talk,watch vcds,sneak out to icecube instead of staying in on sundays to study chinese! HAHA. avril lavigne's concert was AWESOME BABY! pug jelly opened for her and they're bloody good now. we had sitting tickets but still moshed anyway :) nat, you better hurry get your ass back, then we can go for the next third place gig together!

why didnt you tell me, that it was too little too late.

2005-03-31T00:36:00.000+08:00

as that day draws so close, i have a right to be afraid.
dont i?

2005-03-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

could i take you for a car ride?

i thought you meant forever

2005-01-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

i hope you're happy with your boy

2005-01-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

do unto others what you want them do unto you

i thought you were different and i thought that you were more mature than this
i dont expect anything in return when i help you, but at least not back stab me?
i could have backstabbed you in the same way, cos you did the same thing too, but NO i didnt.
you're just like eddie in view from the bridge.
doesnt your conscience eat you alive?
just cos you're my fricking older sister, doesnt mean you DESERVE my respect.
you've gotta earn it baby.
and you've just lost every single bit of it from me.
i thought i could tell you everything, i thought i could trust you. but no.
dont talk to me, just ignore me and call me a bitch under your breath.
im used to it, thank you very much.

you're gonna live forever.

2005-01-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

can things get any better?
nat just left.
but its okay
she will be back soon
soon?
three months is not soon
HURRY COME BACK!

you made the stars shine for me-

i want your beautiful soul

2005-01-22T13:33:00.000+08:00

its uncanny how one can be so full of laughter and joy one moment and so downcast the next. and sometimes even both at once.
yesterday was mel's sixteenth birthday. it was awesome. the decorations, the music and the FOOD! there were waiters around, candles, balloons, flowers, chairs draped in white cloth, those you see at wedding dinners. and hell, it did feel like a wedding dinner. -COUGH- ANYWAY, when i stepped into the house i couldnt believe it. it was so, shall i say.. grand? yes, grand. that's mel for you! we baked 16 muffins for her. plus there was a HUGE chocolate cake. we ate so much. after dinner, people were dancing, and i was just there making a fool of myself. haha! lets not talk about that. we sat around and thats when we talked about nat. and hows shes leaving soon. DAMN, i dont even want to say it. time flies so quickly when we dont want it to. but crawls by when we dread something. i havent spent enough time with nat. but its just too damn late to turn back time. so jeannine and i decided to go by nat's to see her. we sat at the playground, talked about how we are gonna walk without each other, GF, you promised me you wont forget this. :) took silly photos while joshua the prick managed to get my slippers floating in the middle of the swimming pool. i want to see nat every week, i want to play catching forever, i want to walk with you in the middle of the road and lie on the grass. nat, why must you go? ohbaby,youwillalwaysbemyboo

i have come to believe that hope is but a disease.

broken hearts, he will take them all

2005-01-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

the mass for the tsunami vicitms was good although it was quite touching
there was this man sitting in front of me who lost his wife in phuket and he was crying throughout the whole mass. i felt really useless cos i couldnt do anything yet i wanted to console him or at least do something. and somemore, he was alone. he had no family with him. i felt so sad for him. but oh well, we gotta pray for these people. its so sad how you can lose someone in just a matter of seconds. no one close to me has passed away before so i dont know how it feels. and im scared to lose anyone.

two weeks into school and i want to quit already. RESE! are you ready to go with me?

NEW YEAR, NEW LIFE

2005-01-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

i lost my wallet with all my allowance inside. what a great way to start the new year, no? the annoying thing is that ive never lost my wallet or my phone before. and now, this MUST happen on the first day of 2005. BUT ITS OKAY! :) 2004 wasnt that good a year. but maybe if i try to keep to my plan of being more organised and responsible, 2005 will be a better year.

creeeeeps

2004-12-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

i have this strange feeling that everything back home has moved on without me. its like even if i were nonexistant, everything would go on just the same. i feel that things are different and i dont even know how to explain it. maybe my mindset has changed a little since i went and came back. but compared to singapore, the life in Dalat is so peaceful and uncomplicating, whereas singapore is full of politics, emotions and backstabbing. i cant take it. life is simple, its people who make it complicated. i think too much and i make things more serious than they are. when actually they're simple when i let them sort out.

i hate goodbyes

dead end, new beginning

2004-12-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

im back from dalat. but i still feel as though im sitting in the damn speed boat. 10 hours of travelling has definitely taken its toll on me. i didnt want to leave because i love everything abt that place. 9 days there and ive grown to love it more than i love home now. and hell, it was a great experience. the people there are so simple and contented with the littlest things they have. there were quite alot of youths there, and we hung out with them the most. i had so much fun, im going to migrate there. HAHA! it really was an enriching experience. ive learnt not to take things for granted and to appreciate everything i have. esp my FAMILY AND FRIENDS. when the kids in the kampong sang carols, it was so beautiful. i mean they hardly speak english, but when they sang, i could really feel the christmas spirit. thats the beauty of all the people there. they helped us decorate the chapels although they could be doing something else and brought us to places although it was out of the way. we had no water and electricity for a day or two, but we survived. welcome to mission life, they say. I LOVE IT. we taught in catechism class for abt 4 hours and it was great. although some of our plans didnt work out, it was fine with us. Father Emy said "we may all have our own beautiful plans, but if it doesnt work out, means God doesnt think its beautiful enough". all the priests there are really cool. we even did karate with him one morning. ive learnt so much from them. OKAY, IM GETTING TIRED NOW AND THIS IS GOING NOWHERE. IM JUST RAMBBLING, MAYBE I'LL CONTINUE TMR.

de DANIELX

2004-12-01T15:02:00.000+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE!
my blog is screwed up and im too lazy to fix it
okay maybe i just dont know how to
ANW, ive been listening to emo songs the whole day and i guess its a good change from the noisy music my mom calls rubbish.
so now when i listen to emo songs, she sings along! haha

monday was outing with the church people
we went to east coast in the morning , bladed, played rugby and captain's ball.
then went over to mimosa park for bbq.
on the way back, we sang carols, waved to random people and made so much noise i think the bus driver got pretty damn annoyed.
emo/serious talk with a few of them at night. but with daryl, these talks always end up a laughing session.
stupid questions and even more stupid answers. hahaha :)
i think i talked to daryl too much that i've began to ask "daryl" questions.
now i feel so stupid! haha. but YES daryl, both our misconceptions were cleared.
i think it was the BEST outing we've had in a looooooong while.
THANKS everyone. :)

dead end of a sadistic journey

2004-11-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

somebody tell me why
there are so many questions that i can do without answers
but this, i cant.
God doesnt have a sick humor, so is it just a lesson which im supposed to learn or a wake up call
i think there were millions of wake up calls but none made a difference
i dont know whats the point of trying so hard, knowing you'll fail in the end
doing your best yet you wont succeed
i think ive lost sight of my focus in life
i dont know my priorities
i dont know what i want to do with my dumb life
i always told myself that as long as you've tried your best, you're already a winner
but what happens if your best is not good enough
is it plain stupidity or a lack of discipline and focus
this is the first time im at a dead end
wherever i turn, im at a loss
people tell me its alright
fuck alright
they dont know
God help me
i dont know either